We’re now on the fourth day of the Shawn Andrews unexcused-absence-but-not-because-of-a-contract-dispute subplot.  The absence of any legit details on the story renders the whole thing a bit dull.  What we know: Andrews told Andy Reid that he wasn’t coming to camp on Thursday, his agent insists it isn’t about money, and no one is saying anything interesting (or really anything at all) about whatever the hell is going on with Andrews.

Of course, Shawn Andrews being Shawn Andrews (that is, one of the most underappreciated headcases/ space cadets on the team), there’s a decent chance that this holdout is actually not just about money (and might be about something completely ridiculous).  Shawn Andrews does like talking about his sensitive little feelings.

Also, I’m finding it semi-curious that none of the players have really commented on the situation, though most were willing to at least offer a “That’s his business” in re: BWest’s threatened holdout.  And Andy Reid seemed a bit short about it as well.  I dunno.  Why doesn’t someone call his brother (plays for the Benglas, right?).  It all seems a little more odd than average.

Thus, in the absence of any real data, I’m going to irresponsibly speculate about the reasons for the holdout; my hypotheses, in order of actual likelihood (as in, most likely to not-in-a-zillion-years):

1. He wants more money.  Though all parties involved have gone out of their way to insist that this isn’t about money, our old friend Ockham’s Razor suggests that the simplest explanation is usually the correct one.  We’ll call this a 50-percent chance.

2. He wants a few days off from hitting.  Given that he’s getting fined for missing practices and that his job is to play football and hit people, taking a few days off at the beginning of camp doesn’t seem like a wise (or terribly likely) strategy.  I just don’t know what it gets him.  But hey, we’re looking for common-sense answers here, and it’s not like he needs camp to secure his starting job.  Maybe he’s just not feeling it right now.  We’ll say this is a 20-percent chance.

3. He’s a drama queen.  Maybe he’s just a guy who enjoys inventing crises because it gets him attention.  Like a coworker who’s always sending breathless red-exclamation-point e-mails about trivial topics?  I mean, we all know people like this — no reason one of them couldn’t end up playing pro football (see Favre, Brett).  We’ll call that a 15-percent chance.

4.  He wants more attention and love from the team.  Seems unlikely, but he’s definitely sensitive, and one could imagine a guy like this wanting to be on the cover of the media guide or in the header of the team web site. He’s made the Pro Bowl a couple times, he’s a young rising star — maybe he just wants a little more promotion and adulation from Derek Boyko and Spuds?  We’ll call that an 8-percent chance.

5.  He’s considering retiring from football because the game doesn’t suit his kind and loving spirit.  If true, this one would be loaded with cliches about Gentle Giants, being encouraged to play football against his wishes just because of his size, etc etc.  Probably not the case, but if it was, this might also be a subset of #3 above.  This is a 5-percent chance.

6.  He has an emotional problem and will plugging some pill on behalf of Big Pharma within weeks.  Wouldn’t that be very 21st-century of him?  “Do you sometimes have trouble sleeping?  Do you occasionally have fears?  Are you sometimes less than happy?  I had all these problems, and that’s when I asked my doctor about ________.”  This is the latest from GCobb.  Call it a one-percent chance.

7. He sleeps with the fishes like Troy McClure. In the interests of avoiding a libel suit from Andrews, we’ll keep the speculation pretty high-level here. But maybe we’ve got some sort of off-the-beaten-path personal-life nonsense rocking here. Chances are minimal, but hey, we can’t take it off the board.

(Can’t wait to hear what this is actually about, though. I am curious.)